this day

be right back.
in 3 weeks.


meow...

this day

my laptop gave me "'operating system not found" 5 weeks ago so i'm not gonna give you any visuals for the time being.

think my whole lot of digital pictures have been erased. i hope not. i'm not even sure how my laptop's doing in the service centre.

i should have bought a portable drive long ago.

serve me right.

this day

ho sey. it's over. now for the new shit.

it's something like waking up from a bad dream. somewhat along that line. looking back, it seemed to have passed so quickly, yet i'm still remembering those days when i would be whining about how time seem to crawl.
i'm thankful though that it ended without me needing a wheelchair halfway.

now how do i summarize that whole experience. sitting down here in this moment, reflecting on the past weeks, i'm coming to realize that somehow nothing overly exciting happened during training. but comparing myself to the rest of my mates i get this feeling that these unexcited, uneventful, tasteless feelings are just coming from my own uninterested self. i think there is some kind of debate going on in my head asking me whether what i'm doing is the best way to serve the nation. the nation benefits from many of the things that we do, whether it is economically, or politically, etc, that it creates a huge complex "web" of interlinked situations and each one ultimately leading to the phrase "serving the nation". i am thinking that the weeks before the training were more exciting. and i am thinking that the weeks before the training, i was also serving the nation in my own way. it's hard to give a 100% when you're not motivated. and i know that throughout that whole experience i had red-alert levels of motivation.

but maybe i need to change my own thinking. gotta keep myself motivated for the coming months. i foresee tougher days and sleepless nights. i foresee aching muscles and bleeding skin. i foresee heavy breathing and a pounding heart. and i hope i'll emerge from all that in one piece.