Living In Water

Complaints to the Naiz Weather Department have risen in recent weeks due to increase in temperatures that have got people sweating more often then usual. The rise in sweat levels have gotten more people to start thinking of throwing all their singlets and t-shirts for a more comfortable alternative which is the winter wear.

Winter clothing is seen as a good way to block off the heat from the sun and at the same time provide a nice and fuzzy environment for the skin. Mr. J.D Fuzzy, CEO of Arctic Armpits Fashion stated that winter clothing not only blocks off the heat from the sun but also prevent body odours from polluting the atmosphere already filled with carbon monoxide and nitrogen oxides. He added that sales of winter clothes have risen by 40% this year.

Self-proclaimed weather experts have given the statistics. Humidity here is close to 80% and that means we are basically living in water. Many people have complained of breathing problems due to the reduction of the amount of air going in the lungs. "Everytime i breathe in the air, i can feel that there is very little oxygen in there" said a resident of Pulau Hantu. He added "sometimes, i don't even feel like im breathing. Like i'm already dead."

This is a problem which is not the government's problem. Singaporean's complaints will go nowhere as the government cannot do anything to lower the humidity levels.

How can we actually prevent the humidity? Mr. Fictional Char from Common Sense Corporation said in a previous report "the humidity which is slowly killing us could be controlled. For me, the best way is to place Thirsty Hippos along the windows so that the air that comes in is nice and dry".

Truly, a practical solution for us desperados.

Fair?

I can't deny that holidays are a must for every student here in Singapore. Given the stressful schedule we are subjected to, holidays are the only time we can wind down. Or is it?

Reports from some friends of mine have suggested that even during holidays, students still have no time to rest their mind from school work. The students more prone to this kind of infections are those from the second year junior colleges and those taking the O-levels. Is is fair? Should they be given more rest?

Research from The Institute of Know-All have shown that students are likely to fare better when they rest for at least a day before the exams. Studies there have also shown that stressful studying may not always lead to excellent results. The lab guinea pig, namely me, have shown that studying must always be done in a relaxed manner and not pressurized like a pack of Twisties.

Acting Own Views minister, me, said in an earlier press conference today "we cannot blame the education system here. In Singapore, education comes first. Without it, life would be a standstill for a Singaporean. That is why the education system is that way. It is a safe and proven way. Thus, there is no need to change it". He then added "However, i feel we should be a little more courageous and open up to ideas that may improve the system more".

After the fiery views lashed out by the Acting Own Views Minister, many people wanted to know how those views could be implemented. It seems that none have any idea how it could actually be done.

A few hours after the press conference, the minister then spoke to the press,"I think i just spoke crap..."